Miss Burlesque Queensland 2019 | Heated Highlights
by Miss Alyssa Kitt
Welcome to Brisbane middle of winter – the gentle mid-winter breeze was set to rise with the talent that was about to smash onto the stage. Despite it being mid-winter, my judging attire is a nod to the first Miss Burlesque Queensland and the first year’s lingerie parade. As my black Louboutin’s click over the pavement in to The Powerhouse Theatre – I realise that it was the most relaxed I’d be on Miss Burlesque Queensland competition evening since that year. My how this state has grown over its nine years – this is the first that I would not be on the stage after I handed over to the new State Producer, Lila Luxx.
Next to Rita Fontaine’s 2010 winner’s crown and Brisbane drag superstar The Slaying Mantis’s sleep paralysis inspired headgear – the judges are placed firmly in the back row so as not to impede the audience’s views – as we certainly run a risk to optimal optical lines of sight.
The audience files in and the show kicks off without any delay. Glamourpuss Ella Fontaine carols and coos to the crowd in her cocktail lounge sing song voice as though she’s straight off the Vegas stage. Ella’s white, net sparkling gown is dip dyed with pink fringe – it’s pure Crystal Queen Yaasssss – and as a sponsor of the competition, we really do just begin to get a taste of this bling bling. Bristling with brilliant banter, Ella gets the sparkling ball rolling!
Red Carpet Parade
Like a tiny toreador out of the gates Rielle La’Vish delivers canary luxe fur lusciousness worthy of Vesahietala – a look that could be hot off the salsa stages of Burn the Floor. Madelaine Glasseater is Chevron Showgirl meatlocker glamour in nude latex, leather headgear. With the hanging stapler Madelaine staples a balloon to her arm – a moment that is both cringe and sploosh.
The Crystal Queer, Citrine Velveteen is resplendent in a red gown with a train for days and a bow that is so sparkly that it blinds us in the back row. Wiggling onstage – is it pastrami, salami or pepperoni on this slice of a pie? Sparkling Coke bottle headdress atop the fattest slice of pizza is everybody’s favourite dancing dinner of the Red Carpet – Betty Lovecat. Complete with garlic bread shoes, Betty’s Red Carpet Parade is what should be the new benchmark – make it unique and memorable!
Fleur Talicious lets loose in 1920s speakeasy flapper Chicago chic. Ruby Corvette’s Chinese heritage is proudly on display in a sparkling coy fish gown. Lucy Luxe show glistens as a jewel in amethyst and pink, with a boa with actual hanging gems. A spin and an unclasp and the gown transforms into Lucy’s second look for the Red Carpet!
The audience gasps as Scarlet Tinkabelle billows onstage like firey dragon’s breath in a flame-inspired work of butt-cutout art. The judge next to me, Fanny Barlow whispers, “Spicy”.
Rielle Lavish performs a beautiful Sally Rand bubble – very simple nowhere to hide choreography Lavish’s performance is raw and vulnerable but oh so incredibly endearing.
Betty Lovecat’s traditional is Patti Wagon perfection and a testament as to what can be achieved with truly in-depth historical and an amalgamation of one of the great legends of burlesque and Betty’s own badass style. Her bumps are straight off LA’s Burbank Theatre stage, the grinds ground just as they did in 1956. Even the slight of costume malfunction of a sticky garter ended up amazing moment when Betty hurled it with unbridled abandon into the audience – the offending costume piece in question actually landed in my lap!
It’s time for Teaserama starring Madelaine Glasseater. With the stiletto step and a Page parade, Madelaine takes the audience into an Irving Klaw stag filmfest with the most perfect Betty Page moves and pouting expressions.
With a nod to the songstresses Mae West and Gypsy Rose Lee, Citrine Velvetine serenades the audience with some sweet South Pacific and velvety vocals. Citrine’s voice is sweeter than sweet!
Ruby Corvette pays a peacock tribute to the Chinese legends of San Fran’s Chinatown burlesque clubs. With the most enchanting Chinese lyrics it feels as though you could be in the Forbidden City, Club Shanghai or the Lion’s Den on a raging night in the 1950s. Ruby’s attention to historical detail is commendable, as is her passion for representing her heritage.
Like an extravagantly rich couple threw up Valentine’s Day across a Las Vegas stage, made sweet love to Liberace and rolled in thousands of fuschia Swarovski. Lucy Luxe’s traditional lovefest spells a giant L.O.V.E. – L is for the way you look at Lucy… O is for the over-the-top decadent detail on this luxurious costume – V is very very extraordinary and E is for extravaganza, elation and EVERYTHING – this act is everything! Every reveal glimmers another moment of heart-pounding falling in love that has the audience sighing sweet l’amour.
Fleur Talicious performs a true classic strut and strip with an organza turquoise boa and gown number. Full of sass and joy! Fleur’s style is hold no prisoner’s full bore joy with a hefty dose of sassy side eye. You can’t help but watch her with a giant grin on your face.
Scarlet Tinkabelle mooches on in lowdown hoochy coocher puffs of pink. The number starts off as a strong and sexy rendition of ole Min, then all the socks are blown off when she begins to tap!
Rielle La’Vish becomes a true tempest in her Tigress – her gaze sears straight into my loins like a laser – to Mojo Juju – One of the strongest numbers of the night. As the tiny temptress bites the air and bares a more than perfect posterior – I just yell “fuck me dead!”
And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for – the new Miss Universe is… Betty Lovecat!
The beauty queen wipes away a tear and hugs the losers with a light up crown. She’s a truly cosmic girl but when the Beastie Boys bust their rhymes in all bets for Betty are off as the lights drop and a spectacular display of UV lights up her face, shoes, and booty bouncing planets. Assel fury rips forth from the stage only to hear that indeed it is not Betty who has won Miss Universe and she is ripped from the stage still clinging to the crown.
Citrine Velvetine wheels a giant hot dog stand on stage in 1950s diner-girl and the crowd is in for some classic all-Americana. Batterrrrrr UP! and Citrine wields a bat like a 1950s Vargas pinup come to comedy life. With the bash of the board a homerun sign clacks out of the stand! There was so much character and clever storytelling in this number and some of the best prop-work on the Powerhouse Theatre stage!
Madelaine Glasseater stalks on stage in space-age silver. The Chevron Showgirl takes to the microphone and admits to being an accountant by day but an amateur scientist at night. That escalated quickly and before we know it she is testing her new “love potion” on the audience. Jiggling her dangling bunny-puffs and teasing the audience with more back than MC hammer was bargaining for. By the time she has performed the worm across the stage we are all indeed head over ridiculous silver heels in love with Madelaine!
Ruby Corvette bounds onstage with a playful take upon the Chinese fox spirit – with some well-handled costume malfunctions, she delivered so much character and one hell of a tasty upside-down tassel twirl for her finale!
A saxophone wails and a pair of legs scurry out from behind the red velvet curtains covered by… wait… what? A chip cup? Lucy Luxe face-plants into a chips pile in a true blaze of fried glory. CHIPTEASE transcends intelligent transformations of props and costumes. It’s a saucy, sordid and salty number which has mouths salivating.
Fleur Talicious saunters out in potentially the creepiest cat suit I’ve ever seen. The cat from hell mask is removed and out pops an explosion of pink leopard print and pussy-cat vocal stylings. The songstress strips to her rendition of The Cure’s Lovecats – culminating in a duet with one well-placed pussy-puppet.
Petals peel from fairy fingers and Scarlet Tinkabelle slips out of a huge flower. Her namesake Tinkerbell unique is clearly one that is very close to her heart. Delicate, soft and slow, the audience is treated to a balletic dance of the sugar-plum fairy feast, with rhythmic ribbons exploding into a positive propaggeden, Tink twirls on a spinning fugue of fouettes before returning to her flower.And with that the unique section is over. The judges make their final notes and hand over the scores to be counted!
We are treated to the reigning Miss Burlesque Queensland, Magnolia Knife’s handover routine. With a derriere beyond compare and one of the hottest tooshs on the Aussie burlesque stage – Mag’s handover is a truly powerful Queenly variation on King Arthur ripping the sword from the stone. She swings the sword with abandon, shakes her powerful booty and places and even bigger crown on her head and leaves the stage with a giant handprint on her mighty ass!
The scores are tallied and with no reason to wait Lila Luxx takes to the stage to announce the winners. 2nd Runner up, also known as Miss Burlesque Fortitude Valley goes to Betty Lovecat. Miss Burlesque Brisbane is awarded to Scarlet Tinkerbell annnnnnnnnnd Miss Burlesque Queensland for 2019 is Lucy Luxe!
With a flurry of photos the winners are swamped and MBQ is finished for another year! We welcome Lucy to the clan of encrusted Queensland crown-wearers! The standard in Queensland just keeps raising each year – is it time for a Qld winner? We shall have to wait and see!